Rishav stood there, feeling like an idiot and kept staring at the exit door, through which Ankan and Khanak have left 10 minutes ago. He knows because he has been counting every second as it was passing to see if any of them would come back to persuade him to go with them. And even after coming to the realization that none of them is coming he couldn’t move; he couldn’t help himself from continuously staring at the exit gate. While standing thee, looking like a lost kid, all he could think about was how much has he hurt Khanak today and the reason behind his hurtful words and actions.
His mind took him to the Saturday before the last one – the day Khanak messaged Ankan to find out whether Ankan and Rishav are free to hang-out or not. That day, Rishav was finally relieved with the thought that he didn’t have anything urgen coming up before Tuesday. Ever since college has started, he hasn’t had a full day for himself to relax.
And what’s better is that it’s Saturday so Khanak must also be free. Just this afternoon in the college canteen, he saw a guy proposing to a girl in red dress and he suddenly had a flash of Khanak on her birthday in her red kurti. It has been so long that he should have forgotten it but he couldn’t help and wonder every now and then that what would have happened if he hadn’t ruined her birthday with is stupidity. Would situation be different? Would they have labeled themselves as boyfriend and girlfriend? Did he even want them to have a new label?
Rishav knew that he had ruined Khanak’s plans of confessing her feelings and with that maybe even the feelings she was going to cofess. He has seen her getting closed off after that day. She never wanted to spend time with just him. Journey to school was awkward and strange with either Khanak silent and ignoring him or chatting his ear off with meaningless talks. And most of the days he was fine with her change in behavior toward him because having a girlfriend was nowhere in his plans for few years but seeing that guy with the other girl had him feeling restless and dis-oriented. He had this intense urge to spend some time with Khana – only Khanak. Rishav doesn’t care if both of them would have to lie to their other friend that is for that to happen. he just wanted to spend time with her, without aving anyone else around.
Rishav was just about to message her to ask her to hang out with him and to not mention anything to Ankan, and just then Ankan came into his dorm room, typing somethng on his phone. Few minutes later, Ankan asked him whether he is free or not, as Khanak is asking Ankan. After thatbhe was boud to get upset.
He always behaves like a fool when it comes to Khanak and that day was no different. Angry with the fact that Khanak asked Ankan and not him and upset with having his plans to hang out with Khanak ruined, he reacted impulsively. He asked Ankan to say no to Khanak as both of them had the assignment to complete which wasn’t even due till tuesday. He regretted his decision few moments later but he couldn’t just change it. Whole night he felt like a impulsive fool. Due to his stupidity he got to spend time with people he didn’t even care about while he had just refused the one person he wanted to be with.
When Rishav heard from Ankan, how much Khanak was excited and how she was making an itinerary for coming week, he manged to find relief behind the idea of her being as excited to spend time with him as he was to spend time with her. And after having few days to think about it he felt like a fool to even be slightly upset about Khanak asking Ankan not him. It’s not like Khanak wouldn’t ever talk to Ankan, no matter how much Rishav wished for it to happen. It is ot going to happen! After all, Khanak has known Ankan for as long as she has known Rishav.
And today, when Rishav saw her entering the restaurant, all his fears of her forgetting him left him once he saw the smile on her face after seeing him. Rishav knew that he ought to include Ankan in the reason behind her smile but he wanted to believe that her bright smile was only for him. Then she hugged him first making him feel like the champion of the most difficult race of the world. And he loved the affection and teasing in her eyes when she teased him. One generally felt good to be the center of any conversation but Rishav felt awesome to be the center of Khanak’s conversation, especially when Ankan is sitting just beside him and all Khanak’s attention is on Rishav.
Rishav was just relishing in her attention when Ankan had to open his mouth and brag about himself. Okay so maybe Ankan was just stating the truth but that doesn’t mean that Rishav was ready to see Ankan being the center of Khanak’s conversation or any guy being the center of her conversation for that matter. And when Ankan announced Khanak’s preference as if Ankan was the only one to remember what she liked, Rishav wanted to strangle his oldest friend and shout at Khanak to stop smiling shyly at Ankan. And just like that he was back to feeling like the odd one out. He has wanted to hurt Khanak in the same way. He wanted her to feel betrayed too.
That’s why he behaved like a jerk and hurt her. No matter how much she was trying to appear un-affected, he knew he has hurt her deeply. When he said that it hasn’t been that long for him and Ankan, he knew how betrayed she was going to feel but again like and impulsive fool he said it. But in his anger, he forgot to notice the sadness in her eyes.
His anger slowly turned into agony when he saw Ankan and Khanak behaving as if they were a couple- making plans and all that. In that moment he was the villain and Ankan was the hero and Rishav never wanted to be villain in khanak’s eyes. Rishav knew he wasn’t as good a person as Ankan but he wanted Khanak to think of him as good. And when Ankan whispered in Khanak’s ears after paying her bill as if they both were in on a mystery and Rishav was the one looking in from outside, he felt as he always felt with his family- like an outsider. Rishav never wanted to see something like that again; feel something like that again. He didn’t ever want to see the girl he liked, the girl he considered his with a guy who also liked her.
It was all okay and cool when Rishav, himself wasn’t sure about his feelings, let alone Ankan’s. But now he was aware of the fact that he liked Khanak as a lot more than just friends and he was also aware of the fact that Ankan’s feelings for Khanak were not different from his own. And Rishav wouldn’t just stand here like a fool while Ankan impressed Khanak. Deciding what to do, Rishav shook his head as if waking himself from a trance and picked up his phone to call his oldest friend and right now competitor.
“Where are you guys? I’m also coming!”